Real Yakuza Use a Gamepad

What’s the most innocent thing you’ve ever seen annoy the maximum amount of people? This is the internet, so I’m guessing we all have our examples. Here’s my latest find: the outpouring of grief over “Real Yakuza Use a Gamepad”.

For those not in the know, that makes up most of a splash screen that shows at the start of every Yakuza game on PC. It’s a hint that if you try and play with a keyboard and mouse, you might not have as good a time as if you grab a controller. And yet message boards and comment sections are filled with bitter outrage over the whole thing.

To quote: “Real Yakuza can port games to PC”.

Don’t worry, this isn’t a 500 word article about people reacting to a six-year-old splash screen, although maybe it could be. The thought to check for reactions came while I was thinking on another topic – the ridiculous reactions people have to the stupidest things. Go open any thread about a seemingly innocuous subject and you’ll be met with a mountain of disagreement, nit-picking and technicality. The lunatics have taken over the asylum.

It’s a curious situation. At a time when every reaction is given in full-throated shouts, how does marketing of tech balance the good with the bad? How can you tell when something is a genuine complaint?

Real Yakuza Use a Gamepad isn’t some attack on PC gaming, and yet a moment’s search will find you hundreds of people who took it that way. Perhaps they wanted to be real Yakuza. Perhaps they’re just so sure of their own view of the world. A PC game without exemplary KB/M support is an insult on their very self.

Real Yakuza Take a Breather

It’s all quite harmless, in isolation. We can laugh at them, of course, because for this to bother you to such an extent means you take yourself too seriously. But their reactions aren’t in isolation. Yakuza isn’t the height of controversy on the internet. We all wish it was.

Because these people don’t just talk about splash screens in cool video games. They talk about politics, about art, about life and death situations. They offer up advice – actual advice – to people in subreddits. Their extreme reactions, in their minds, are perfectly reasonable. And you never know you’re talking to one of them. Their little body of text may seem quite reasonable. So leave your wife, invest all your money in the latest fad and jump headfirst into whatever cult-like trend is on Tiktok right now. What’s the worst that could happen?

Writing about internet and gaming culture will give you whiplash. But that’s the least of it all, really. You can roll your eyes at the people still upset over Real Yakuza Use a Gamepad. But in a broader sense, the attitudes are really no different. And it has real world implications.

The best thing about it, of course, is that it’s so predictable. The downside – as we’ve seen constantly over the last ten years – is that it can bring down nations.

Anyway, I’ll end this PSA with a strict and emphatic reminder: Real Yakuza use a controller. And no, there isn’t any wiggle room.